Skip to main content

The musing of a daughter of the only King

On the eve of the stressful STAAR test, I sit here in the calmness of my home listening to Eli's worship music in his room.  He's resting so quietly, so peacefully, so worry-free.  It's a wonderful place to be in. It's a beautiful image of the gospel: the redemption of my son.

I think about those sweet Zambian children waking up full of complete joy as they skip off to class.  I think about those sweet Zambian orphans waking up full of complete sorrow as they wonder if they will get food today.  The Zambian women who head to the market to sell vegetables with their youngest tucked in a chitenge on their backs. And I'm filled with sorrow.  Sorrow for the broken.  Sorrow for the hurting. Sorrow for those who just want more.

And I think about the people I've encountered while being back here in Texas. Those who are striving to so radically love Jesus in this cruel and evil world.  Those who don't know Jesus and are walking around wondering if they have anything to live for.  Those who have everything they need but are still not satisfied.  And I'm filled with sorrow.  Sorrow for the broken.  Sorrow for the hurting. Sorrow for those who just want more.

Our two world's aren't too terribly different when you look at the heart of a person.  When I look at my heart, I see the wicked worldly desires I have.  When I examine my mind, I see the lies I believe and the corruption I keep myself in. And I'm filled with sorrow. Sorrow for my brokenness. Sorrow for my hurting. Sorrow because all I truly desire is more of Jesus.

But oh it's so hard to battle this world.  It's hard to stand firmly while the waves crash around you.  It's hard to be in a "perfect" world--to hear things like "the American dream" and feel your heart long for it and be sickened by it at the same time.  It's hard to see the hardships people walk through and know you can't physically do anything to help them.  It's hard to carry the weight of other's burdens because you care so much.  

I realize tonight that these two worlds are not too different.  People continue to strive for something they desire and realize that it does not satisfy.  They reach. They long. They desire. They reach higher. They long harder. They desire more.

I'm reminded tonight that only Jesus satisfies. Only Jesus loves unconditionally. Only Jesus redeems completely. It's only Jesus.

And I think about my sweet Zambian boy in his room, tucked in his covers, with Captain America at his side.  Redeemed. Set free. Chosen. Anointed. And I'm filled with hope.


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Breaking this Flesh

I started praying 2 days ago that the Lord would start breaking my flesh. My prayer continues even today to be:
"I want to unlearn this world.....Jesus, humble my heart, break my flesh, and restore me to be more of a reflection of you."
What a beautiful vision of a servant--to disregard the flesh on his or her body in order to glorify the Lord more and more. Too bad I'm soaked in the sin of this world. I'm not saying we sinners can't be someone who disregards the things of this world and strive for the things that glorify the Lord, but I am saying that it's not an easy task. I can't say that I've seen the answer of this prayer yet, but I know that each day that passes, more of my flesh is getting destroyed as my eyes are fixed on Jesus.
Today I had the privilege of visiting all of the schools that we currently have up and operating. It was amazing. Although the facilities aren't complete, the Spirit of the Lord is present. He is driving this w…

Mmmmm the sweet beginnings of fall

Well, it's that time of the year again....


For the past two years, my family and I have sold pumpkin rolls in order to raise support for Eli and I in some way--mainly adoption costs and transitional costs back to the U.S..  As we continue to sell pumpkin rolls in the years to come, each batch of monetary support will go to a purpose for the Kingdom.  This year, we are selling pumpkin rolls for three reasons!

Pumpkin rolls are delicious and perfect for the fall holidays!To help with general overwhelming costs this past year--doctor's appointments that were unexpectedly high, costs related to vehicles, etc.To tuck away until a trip to Zambia becomes a possibility.  That could be as early as August next year, or the August after that, but we are trusting the Lord to provide for us. I don't know exactly what that trip will look like, seeing that we won't be heading back until we have funds available, but I know a very strong desire of my heart is for Eli and …

To love Jesus

What does that actually look like?

It's not about you.  It's not about me.  It's not about going to church.  It's not about listening to worship songs in your car, on the radio, at work, and during your time with Jesus. It's not about going to bible studies. It's not about laboring for the Lord in your workplace.  It's not even about full-time ministry.

It's about love.

Sure you can do all those things and love him.  Sure you can be in ministry, you can incorporate him into your workplace, you can listen to worship songs....BUT are these just things that you DO?

Or can you stand back and actually say that with every FIBER of my being I compose a LOVE song for him.

I'm convicted this morning, because I can't.  I can't say that with every piece of who I am, I DEEPLY DEEPLY am in LOVE with Jesus.  I can't say that I am SO in love with him that I can't stand the world.  I can't say that I am SO in love with him that I HAVE to say s…