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The musing of a daughter of the only King

On the eve of the stressful STAAR test, I sit here in the calmness of my home listening to Eli's worship music in his room.  He's resting so quietly, so peacefully, so worry-free.  It's a wonderful place to be in. It's a beautiful image of the gospel: the redemption of my son.

I think about those sweet Zambian children waking up full of complete joy as they skip off to class.  I think about those sweet Zambian orphans waking up full of complete sorrow as they wonder if they will get food today.  The Zambian women who head to the market to sell vegetables with their youngest tucked in a chitenge on their backs. And I'm filled with sorrow.  Sorrow for the broken.  Sorrow for the hurting. Sorrow for those who just want more.

And I think about the people I've encountered while being back here in Texas. Those who are striving to so radically love Jesus in this cruel and evil world.  Those who don't know Jesus and are walking around wondering if they have anything to live for.  Those who have everything they need but are still not satisfied.  And I'm filled with sorrow.  Sorrow for the broken.  Sorrow for the hurting. Sorrow for those who just want more.

Our two world's aren't too terribly different when you look at the heart of a person.  When I look at my heart, I see the wicked worldly desires I have.  When I examine my mind, I see the lies I believe and the corruption I keep myself in. And I'm filled with sorrow. Sorrow for my brokenness. Sorrow for my hurting. Sorrow because all I truly desire is more of Jesus.

But oh it's so hard to battle this world.  It's hard to stand firmly while the waves crash around you.  It's hard to be in a "perfect" world--to hear things like "the American dream" and feel your heart long for it and be sickened by it at the same time.  It's hard to see the hardships people walk through and know you can't physically do anything to help them.  It's hard to carry the weight of other's burdens because you care so much.  

I realize tonight that these two worlds are not too different.  People continue to strive for something they desire and realize that it does not satisfy.  They reach. They long. They desire. They reach higher. They long harder. They desire more.

I'm reminded tonight that only Jesus satisfies. Only Jesus loves unconditionally. Only Jesus redeems completely. It's only Jesus.

And I think about my sweet Zambian boy in his room, tucked in his covers, with Captain America at his side.  Redeemed. Set free. Chosen. Anointed. And I'm filled with hope.


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