Man Does Not Live On Bread Alone

Theme Verse for February:

"Man does not live by bread along, but man lives by ever word that comes from the mouth of the Lord." Duet. 8:3

Oh man. So much has happened in February. And since it's been almost an entire month since I've blogged, I have quite a bit to share. Summary? The Lord is GOOD. I have seen His hand in so many events in my life, it's been unreal. He has swooped in time and time again, and it's beautiful and completely humbling.

I hope as you read my journal entries, you are moved and shaken by the Lord's presence. I pray that God would open your eyes, and expose himself to you in a new and challenging way. Rest in him my dear friends. He is our comfort, he is our strength, he is our refuge. He is Lord, and our Lord is beautiful.

February 12th

Today has been an amazing day. My roommates and I woke up, went to church, was filled with the Spirit, went to the market, and came home to clean and set up more furniture in the house. Our house is actually becoming a home!! I am reminded today how great community is. When the Lord places you in a community of believers to go through life together, you experience more and more of him every day. That's how I feel today. I feel like we are all perfectly content listening to worship music while we get our hands dirty. Man God is good.

Of course, about 2 hours ago, I was reminded that even though life is sometimes good, it can turn hard in an instant. My roommate got a phone call this afternoon. An unfortunate one. A sweet child that we know well has just passed away. Wow. Life is so fragile. This sweet girl was 14 years old and ravaged with diseases. Diseases that she is not experiencing now. In the brokenness of this evening, I am reminded that she is dancing in Heaven. She is on the lap of our Lord. He is comforting her and she is hurting no more....but we are left behind. To weep uncontrollably, to mourn the loss of this sweet girl, to stand with my roommate as we recognize the weight of this tragedy. Man, what a turn of events.

February 14th

It's Valentine's Day today. This morning, I attended my first funeral in Zambia. It was raw. Emotional. Overwhelming. Hurtful. A rejoice. A cry. We started by going to the grave site. The land I stood on was more than 30 acres- a very small portion of the massive cemetery—and graves surrounded me. As a friend put it, “It looks as though the road that was once here, was swallowed up with graves.” Each mound of dirt displayed a small sign on top with the name and date of the deceased who lay underneath. No concrete, no structure, no fresh flowers, no beautiful headstones—just mounds and mounds of dirt, which represented the thousands of people buried in that place. At the gravesite, we waited for her body to reach the pavilion. While waiting, I noticed 5 holes dug within a half acre of where I stood. That amounted to 5 holes, 5 funerals, 5 different families and friends who would come to hold a memorial service for the individual they lost. This entire graveyard is 2 miles long and I don’t even know how deep. And in half an acre, there were 5 holes dug—and it was only 9:30 in the morning. I couldn’t help but think, how many more are dug in this enormous plot of land and how many more families are mourning right now.

I’ve said this before, but death is such a part of this culture. It happens every day, every second of the day, and multiple individuals could lose multiple family members or friends within 1 week. It's tragic, it's hard, but it's a part of life. Today was my first time to be in a place like that; my heart was shaken, and my emotions a wreck.

At first, I wasn’t able to really comprehend what was happening around me. I spoke with a few people for a while discussing things that were irrelevant to the present experience, in order to keep my mind from what was about to happen. We waited, laughing from a story I was telling, listening intently to what God was doing in each of our lives, and sharing the small details of yesterday. If I haven’t said this before, being here in Zambia develops extreme emotion inside you. For example, the other day I experienced all emotions: laughing with all my heart, jumping with joy that this nation just triumphed in the finals for the Orange Cup, displaying frustration over a specific situation, and weeping because of this tragic loss. It’s not just me, it’s actually pretty common. Each week, I find myself completely raw emotionally and spiritually before the Lord.

After about half an hour, I went to meet the family and friends that were gathered at the pavilion. I had no expectations of what would happen once I arrived. We got out of the car and saw many faces. I recognized one girl, and I hooked my arm around her. I noticed that many family members had already made a circle around the edge of the pavilion. Her casket—so tiny and bare—stood in the center, alone. The pastor who led the service shared from the word, prayed over the people, and encouraged others that this sweet girl was right now dancing in Heaven—an action her disease held her back from here on earth. Many wept at these words and at the realization that this 14 year old girl should have never been ravaged with the diseases that took over her flesh.

When it was time to view the body, I held back with this girl until all other family members had passed. With her under my arms, we stepped up to the casket. When looked in, she broke. I held her while she wept uncontrollably in my chest. She buckled into my arms and shook. She wailed and clung to me. I kept repeating, “It’s ok sweet girl. It’s ok. She’s with our Heavenly Father. Free from pain. It’s ok.”

At that moment, the Lord reminded me that I am here in this moment to be His hands and feet—to support her while she shook, to hug her with all my might. My Lord loves this sweet girl unconditionally. I held her to my chest just like the Lord holds us when we are broken many times in our lives. I can only imagine what was going through her mind at that exact moment. The entire time, the Lord supernaturally strengthened me for this child. He used me to be Jesus to this girl. How humbling is that? It wasn’t until I got to the car when I broke. With my head in my hands, tears streamed down my face. I guess the realization of the devil's terror overtook me. He has swept through this nation bring grief and pain to these children. I just cried out to the Lord, and in that moment, my Father comforted me. I could feel his presence even in the pain of the people around me. As the devil attempts to tear people down, I felt the Lord MOVING and lifting those very people up with hope for an eternal future.

We arrived back at the gravesite, watched as her casket landed in the dirt, and placed flowers over her grave. The whole time, the love of the Lord rained in that place. 4 other funerals were happening around us, and I felt Jesus amongst each group of people.

At the end, family members packed the dirt and covered the mound with flowers. It was beautiful. They were now standing for the one they lost, protecting her grave from the rains. They were standing in the gap for her. They prayed as the last flowers were placed. I watched as these people stood as Jesus would for this sweet girl.

Man. God's love is HUGE. He really is our dad who just wants to hold us in his lap from time to time. And He uses the people around us to display His majestic love and support.

I left in awe of Jesus. In awe of my Father. His majesty. His glory. His holiness. What an amazing God.

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That day was an intense but beautiful day. I saw so much love from those who loved her. But just wait. After sadness comes joy. And Joy is definitely still coming. Stay tuned Folks, and you will see the miracles the Lord has performed since that day.

"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.... a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance." Ecc. 3:1, 3b-4

And we are definitely dancing.