Stronghold

"The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you" Psalm 9:9-10

"The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold." Psalm 18:2

Yesterday was a tough day for me. I woke up, got dressed, had breakfast, went to camp, stacked chairs, lined up kids, ran around getting Americans assigned to their kids, helped get bead necklaces, danced up top to help the Americans with the songs, ate lunch, danced some more, laid on a white table waiting for the end of the day, and walked to the hill for worship. Around the time of laying on the table, I started to feel very convicted. my day was full of running here and there, doing this and that, helping here and helping there (which is my job on summer staff), but I did all these things without a servants heart. I just did them to do them. It struck me during worship, that here I am in Africa, a place that has captured my heart, and yet, I am just running through the motions. The days are passing so quickly, at camp, and it's easy to get in a routine.  It looks like I'm doing what i'm supposed to be doing--with a great heart... but my actions are speaking one thing and my mind is speaking another.

I can't even begin to tell you how many selfish thoughts went through my head yesterday... thoughts that weren't connected to the glory of the Lord. Things that made me frustrated, or made me think that I could do a better job, or that I should do this or do that so this person would think i'm awesome. It makes me sick, but its SO subtle. I didn't even realize the intensity of my thoughts until the end of the day... and it's been going on for about three days now. This is when I realized how cruel and how good Satan is at getting under the surface. He starts with one thought and he can back away while my flesh runs with it. I end up turning myself inside out thinking of all these different possibilities, and he can sit back and watch me destroy myself. He's just so good at placing evil or temptation in peoples lives.
When I returned home, I get out my bible and journal and immediately began talking to the Lord... I landed on the two verses that started this post. How amazing is that. The LORD is my stronghold, he will NEVER forsake those who seek him. He is a refuge for those oppressed by the devils lies. Ahhh how beautiful is that to rest in? I just wept humbly in the Lord's presence and he said to me, "You are my child--why are you putting other things before me? Trust me... I am your rock"

Wow. That's powerful. It humbles me because even though I am running through the motions of the day, he's still using me as a vessel, he will still fulfill his purpose. I can just choose to live in it, or just walk beside it... it's my choice.
I woke this morning knowing that i want to choose life IN him...

I thank my Lord for revealing this to me so that now I know it's a conscious effort to fight the devil's lies and to capture the life and joy he's offering me here.